The word “love” as it is used below represents a communal perspective of the term. It does not reflect my current observations and interpretations of it’s’ impact on relationships as the term has been and is used generically. The communal version will suffice for the narrative at hand.
Self exploration is important where emotional and psychological healing is concerned. In order to be genuine in our relationships, we have to take time to reflect on and explore what lurks within. What is there that interferes with intimacy? I’ve done a lot of soul searching in my time and I’ve had powerful mentors, too. I’ve been through loss, death, separation, and most of the stuff in between.
That said, I would like to introduce a perspective that I’ve learned to use when looking at relationships that affect me and those around me, and explore the question “What is Love.”
Sometimes a relationship can leave you feeling like a canceled check filed away in a drawer never to be revisited again. You wrote the check, someone cashed it, and now it’s just a reminder of the transaction and the cost. When you reflect on it, you can see where the value was in it. Sometimes you can follow the thread running through it, sometimes not.
I’ve seen the concept of love treated as a commodity by some people, as if it’s something given in return for a service or a promise; sometimes kept, sometimes broken. Kind of like a vow that couldn’t be kept in the first place. The vow is something that expresses an intention. The circumstance in which it was made is often altered substantially because of the effect of the weathering of relationships that the passing of time always causes.
Some people grow, some do not. Individual needs change as the heart and mind expand and contract. We are not the same now as we were some years ago.
What becomes of the vow when one day, two people look at one another and discover someone different, and perhaps not as pleasant as who they started the relationship with. Or, at least, who they thought they started out with. Do they pursue the vow blindly? Where is the right path, the truth?
There are two things I have learned to focus on where relationships are concerned. First, the relationship in all its’ forms, and second, the truth that sustains it and allows it to evolve. I ask myself, “Does love exist where relationships are bound together by deception, either by deception of the self or of another person or both? How often do we deceive ourselves going into or while in a relationship? Where does the truth enter into it?”
Letting go can be the most healing of activities. It represents an act of self-care that might also benefit anyone else who is connected to circumstances that cause suffering. Everyone understands that if you give the promise of nurture, you may often receive nurture in return. But honest, truthful loving kindness carries with it no conditions, only the hope of a loving response that does not bind. In this lies the test of the truth of how well we love ourselves-or perhaps if we are truly able to love at all.
So, where is the truth? Do I promise to love because I need to be loved, or do I promise because I love you? Tell the truth…
What healing does the one bring if ones worth is tied to good intentions? “Look what I have done for you,” they think. “Look at all the goodness I have poured out over you.” What is the truth? Does one’s own need for love and admiration impact the effect of the sharing process? Just how well do I love myself? I had better be able to answer that question! Tell the truth…
A proverb I read goes something like this, “The wise man seeks the counsel of many, while the fool seeks his own.” Are we the fool when we avoid the truth, or is it simply an indication of our suffering and the fear attached to it?
Humanities quest for meaning in relationships is an ageless endeavor. It consumes us as human beings. Take a few seconds and answer just one question. Add your voice and help establish a consensus.
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